Zap Your Worries with this 1 Trick

The causation of worry is saying “yes.”

Too often, we feed our worries by affirming those thoughts through our behaviors.

No is one of the most powerful, most effective words you can use. However, saying no can be a challenge.

Some worrisome thoughts might flood through our head like:

What people will think of me when I say no?

Will I offend someone?

Will they dislike me?

Will they become angry at me?

Growing up, I was a really sensitive kid which predisposed me to being a people-pleaser. I didn't want to say no to people because, god-forbid, I might have to face backlash.

But why is facing backlash a bad thing?

It isn’t.

Facing backlash certinaly isn’t something that feels good, it’s challenging.

There will be consequences of saying no, and they might be uncomfortable.

But, so what? The things in life that are good aren't easy.

It wasn't easy for me to say no straight to someone's face in situations that I felt uneasy in. 

It’s not easy to say no when you’re spending time with people and they whip out drugs.

It’s not easy to tell a man no (especially when he is much bigger than you) when he repeatedly asks you out and then questions why you keep saying no.

A best practice in life is to say no to things that you don’t want, that aren’t productive, that aren’t beneficial to you.

I had a tough time saying no because I liked to please people, which meant I had to be “polite.” That begs the question, how do you say no without sounding rude?

Sarah Knight explains it pretty well in her book “The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck: How to Stop Spending Time You Don't Have with People You Don't Like Doing Things You Don't Want to Do (A No F*cks Given Guide)”

Honesty and politeness: A dynamic duo

 
In order for you to achieve peak NotSorry in the process of not giving a f*ck, honesty alone isn’t going to cut it, and neither is politeness all by itself. You could be extremely honest but very rude, which means someone deserves an apology. Or you could be superpolite and a f*cking liar. Polite fibbing is one thing, but if you get caught in a monster lie, I guarantee you’re going to be sorry, which kinda defeats the entire purpose of hte NotSorry Method. The key is to blend them into a perfect combination, like Siegfried and Roy, Hall and Oates, and Batman and Robin. Together they’re capable of making magic, hitting all the right notes, and saving the day. And they never fail to complement each other, even if one shines a little brighter at times, or gets mauled by a tiger.
— Sarah Knight
 

The consequence of me saying no in these situations allowed me to get what I ultimately wanted.

I didn't want to do drugs, nor did I want to go on a date with a creepy man.

If I had said yes - or even if I had given any sort of reply that wasn't a zero tolerance reply - I would have been entertaining/tolerating things in my life that I didn’t want. 

Those may be extreme examples, but take the concept and apply it to something as simple as worry.

I’ve had a lot of worries in life, most of which never happened.
— Mark Twain

The fact is that you have control over your life, to your most humanly possible extent. You can decide how you want your life to go. 99% of situations present you with choices, so make the decision that will lead you to what you want. Keep in mind that every decision has a consequence, whether it's positive or negative, so weigh the possible outcomes, decide what consequence you want to see in your life, and go all in.

When you're able to say no to what you don't want, suddenly you have the time and space in your life for the things you do want.

One of the things that really got me thinking about this post was a speech given by Isabelle Mercier.

 
 

Powerful sentences from the video:

1) If you can't say no to what you don't want, you will never have time to focus on what you do want.

2) What you tolerate, you worry about.

3) Peace of mind is a choice, it is a commitment. It's a choice that requires a whole lot of guts and courage.

Saying no is a choice, a decision, and a practice, but I promise, it’s worth it.

Lydia Weibel